Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
