Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
