so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
