if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
