You're completely useless in the revolution.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
