My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
