then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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