Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
