Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
