Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
