you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
