the new term for farting is butt boxing.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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