final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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