Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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