Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
