I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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