i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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