Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
