So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
