I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
