he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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