I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
