love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
