i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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