This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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