you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she told me i tasted like america
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I need to sanitize my soul.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
