Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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