With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
