you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
