Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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