So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
