Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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