We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
