moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
