I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
