Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
