nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
