Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
