bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Enjoy the penises
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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