just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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