Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
