she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
