please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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