That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
