I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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