don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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