yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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