Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
