While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he fucked my hip out of place.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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