I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
