listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
