hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
my liver is dry heaving
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
