Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
