he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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