I bet he comes in French.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize