I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
