I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
