Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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