Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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