You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
