operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize