May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
