Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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