You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize
