I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
