the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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