Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
